I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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