my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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