She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
