He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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