I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize