i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
