Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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