people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
