So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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