I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know her cup size but not her name....
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