oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
