think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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