Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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