i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize