I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
