even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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