life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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