It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize