the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
