I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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