you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
