It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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