dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
