Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
