im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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