Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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