I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize