Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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