Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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