what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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