Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
