Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
