The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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