i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
