I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I deserve this hangover.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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