listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
