I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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