i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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