Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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