Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you had me at cake vodka
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
