Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
