hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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