My first STD was from a foam party
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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