Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
