i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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