I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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