end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
