I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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