hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
