i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Floor bacon is actually really good
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
