the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
