Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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