Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
