not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
