my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
