We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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