my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize