I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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