Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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