i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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