he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
