why didn't you poke me back
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
