p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
