Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
