we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
