i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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