batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
