I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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