there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize